You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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