So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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