I hate your face
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
