I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
