So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
