You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
