my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
