she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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