Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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