i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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