The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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