Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
