hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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