I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
