I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
