she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
