I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
