She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
