How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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