i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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