Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
