Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
