The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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