I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
