also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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