I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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