Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
