I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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