He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
