Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
