Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
