we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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