Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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