so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
