Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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