I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
