I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's official drugs can't kill me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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