So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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