Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
