I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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