this boner is exhausting
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
