forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
