My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
