so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
