and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
