he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
