can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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