It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
