How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
