Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
