I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
