My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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