Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
