Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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